In my early twenties, I put a ton of effort into my physical health and wellness. I ran five miles, four times a week, while also incorporating strength training and Bikram yoga.
I was also a member of a local CSA, which gave me access to fresh, locally grown vegetables each week. It appeared as if I was doing everything right, or so I thought.
Something was missing. There was a major disconnect between what people saw from the outside, and what I was feeling on the inside. I tore myself apart every time I looked at my own reflection in the mirror; my stomach wasn’t flat enough, my eyebrows weren’t thick enough (90’s eyebrow pluckers, where you at?!) and my thighs never felt sleek enough.
I had it all together, or at least that’s how it seemed from the outside. On the inside was a completely different experience – I was lonely, disgusted with myself, and often depressed.
I was constantly sabotaging any bit of happiness with self-doubt and criticism. No matter how good I looked physically, it wasn’t good enough. Despite being an athlete with good grades with lots of friends, and a promising future, I never learned to love myself.
Through years of personal development, therapy, and coaching others, I’ve discovered the best way to cultivate self-love is to develop a healthy relationship with myself.
Once I began answering 4 simple questions on a daily basis, I started to build a relationship with myself based on trust, commitment, kindness, and integrity.
We value these characteristics in any relationship in our lives- from spouse to friend- co-worker to a teammate. However, when we forget to build that relationship with ourselves we become dependent on social media likes, trophies, accolades, money, sex, substances, and other external goodies to keep us pumped up. But, like any good ball, we eventually deflate over time when we don’t take care of ourselves.
The Daily Soul Check is a simple formula I created to help you fall more deeply in love with yourself, so you can start living your best life. I wanted it to be simple, flexible, and meaningful. Time and money are the two most common excuses people use to avoid wellness, but if we don’t prioritize the time now to invest in our wellbeing, it’ll cost us WAY more in the long run. You are WORTH the investment!
Questions for a deeper level of wellness
1. What feeling do I want to bring to the day? Set an intention to start your day. Affirmations and intentions are great, but incantations create a vibration that will attract what you want into your energy field! Close your eyes, take 3 deep breaths, and focus on feeling whatever you’d like to manifest. When we FEEL the feeling we want to attract, it signals to all the cells of our body. Making this a daily practice creates muscle memory, helping to raise our cellular frequency.
2. What Am I Grateful For?: There’s a quote by Rumi that says, “Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.” When we focus on what’s going right and what we’re grateful for, God/the Universe/Source (or whatever you want to call Life Force Energy) will send us more of that. Gratitude lists work best when they are specific. While we are all grateful for our kids, it’s actually more powerful to say, “I’m grateful for the random hug my son gave me before he went to school yesterday.” or “I’m grateful for the woman who randomly made eye contact and smiled at me at the grocery store.” When we stop taking the small things for granted they become a big part of our overall wellness and inner peace.
3. What’s Something I Want to Attract and What’s 1 Thing I Want to Release that No Longer Serves Me?: We all want to attract something. If you’re an athlete you might want more stamina, a spot on your dream team, or a championship under your belt. As a parent, you might want more time for self-care. If you’re a teenager you might be wanting to attract your crush. Write down what you want to attract.
The Law of Attraction can’t decipher between what you want and don’t want. It only knows what you speak. Speak what you want. On the contrary, we all have things we need to release. It could be people, resentment, anger, a job, pointless social media scrolling, late-night pizza runs…whatever. Ask to be released from the hold these have on you and be prepared to do the inner work necessary, especially where things like forgiveness are needed. It’s the type of work you dread at first but never regret once you get to the other side.
4. What’s 1 Goal I’m Working On: Keep it S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound). There’s so much power in focusing on one goal. We can easily get FOMO and think we need to have a ton of balls to juggle to increase our chances of scoring. But, we all know if Tom Brady threw Gronk 3 balls instead of one it would confuse the mind. The chances of scoring a touchdown become slim to none. One goal, one ball, and enjoy the journey. The touchdown or reaching your goal feels awesome. But, if you don’t enjoy the journey, that awesome feeling will deflate and you will be back to the lonely person seeking external stimuli to inflate you once again- feeling like nothing is ever good enough.
Answering these 4 simple questions daily can have a dramatic effect on your overall health and wellness. Remember, the most important relationship is the one with yourself. When we take time to love, trust, and listen to our inner voice we live with purpose, hope, peace, and love. There is no source greater than love. Love yourself first, spread it throughout your home, share it with your community, and change the world.
Enjoy some short, guided meditations to help you start on your self-love journey or go deeper.